Please note: This was written a week ago. I have been procrastinating posting because I didn’t feel it was good enough. Just a small look into my wild emotions.***
I’m sitting on the plane heading back home writing this. Once I actually post it, the situation will be long gone, but the fact will remain.
First of all, I’m not a fan of flying. Not because I’m scared or because I’m afraid of something happening. I don’t particularly like flying because of how it makes me feel. It makes my emotions crazy. And I don’t even know why. I swear every time I am on an airplane, I cry…unless I’m flying with someone else. Alone is terrible for me. I hate flying alone.
To preserve other people’s feelings I am not going into super deep details. I feel like people probably don’t want to be blogged about, especially if by name. Unless it is a good thing. I think if that is the case everyone wants to be talked about and mentioned by name.
Anyway, I am an extremely delicate and emotionally charged person. Not delicate like a flower, but emotionally delicate. Some would say sensitive. I hate calling myself sensitive. I feel like that is such a terrible depiction of what I am so I refuse to use it. Emotionally charged. That’ll work. I have really strong emotions and I get my feelings hurt really easily. And most of the times, I probably shouldn’t have gotten my feelings hurt. I can’t help it though.
Sometimes when I get my feelings hurt I say hateful things. Things I wouldn’t say under normal circumstances. If I were to say these certain things to myself, I would be devastated. Or if someone else was saying those things to me I would get really upset. Yet for some reason in the heat of the moment, I think it is ok for me to say certain things to someone that I, personally, wouldn’t take from someone else.
Words cut like a knife and I have a hard time remembering that until my words have been spoken. It is really heartbreaking and it makes me cry to even sit here on this plane to Denver and type this out. I’ve been trying really hard to watch my words and choose what comes out of my mouth more closely. I have no reason or excuse for it other than I don’t know how else to convey my message.
If you have ever been on the receiving end of my emotionally charged, unkind words, please forgive me. And please know that I am working so hard on myself to change that. It takes time on my part. But i want you to know your patience and understanding is more appreciated than you’ll ever know.
I love you.